Why I Believe

I believe in supernatural forces.

End of an hour-long, mid-morning meeting and I have had four cups of coffee. The stories have gotten longer and funnier. There are stories of bad customer service and possible murder motives. We are laughing so much, the meeting has run over time.

We finally stand up to leave. My bladder is so full, it is painful.

The only male in the meeting room has his hand on the doorknob, keeping the door closed. I walk up to it with my head at a low angle, just pleading with body language. He opens the door.

The toilet closest to my cubicle is closed, so I walk to the next nearest toilet. It is in an area that has just begun renovation, a fact I remember only when I am halfway there. There is another toilet just past this area, so I still feel good about my chances.

I walk carefully, trying not to jar anything loose. Two bathrooms just ahead, two venues of pain relief.

Coming towards me is member of our facilities team. A man who, 20 years ago, interviewed to work with me and who I turned down solely on his poor written communication skills.

We became friends anyway. “Jay,” I ask, “are these bathrooms closed?” He nods gravely, then says,

“The ones just past are closed too. So are the ones over in Sales. Your only options are the ones in Finance -” I have no idea where those are, “and the ones by Advertising.”

I perform an about-face, head towards Advertising, and hope. Three out of five bathrooms in the building are closed makes it likely there is a run on the remaining, open toilets.

O Spirits, those toilets I currently, desperately need, one has got to be available when I get there. Oh please oh please oh please. Bladder weighs more than a Thanksgiving turkey. Heel-toe heel-toe heel-toe, turn the corner, into the bathroom and – My spirit guides had gotten there before me.

EVERY STALL IS OPEN. All three!

I bared half of myself, sat down, and emptied myself of used coffee. I left the stall a moment later to find a small crowd waiting on my seat.

Blessed be, y’all.

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