What I Believe

I read recently that if your beliefs now are the same as five years ago, you are not growing. I agree half-heartedly. My beliefs frequently change but I do not judge people whose beliefs are settled.

I wanted to be Atheist when I was young. Atheism seemed intelligent, objective and removed. It had no dogma, committed no coersion on its adherants, and allowed science complete freedom.

I was utterly absorbed by the sciences and any related fiction. My favorite book was a large, general science hardback that my brother handed down to me. By age 7, I was infatuated with thermometers, compasses, maps, rain gauges, and magnets. I had a small rock collection and an enormous imaginary world swarming with robots and sprites. I begged for and was denied comic books and matchbox cars.

We attended church in the Protestant tradition every Sunday without fail. Rain or shine, sickness or health, I attended dutifully and did my best to learn the scriptures and its wisdom.

But it was the Greek Mythology taught in my 4th grade schoolroom that awoke my faith. I loved the myths, For the first time, I looked forward to school. Myths made sense to me; they tied religion to the natural world and portrayed human drama in grand settings.

I later learned that organizing stories help distracted minds develop structure and discipline. Even later, I learned that I was not a Protestant or even a mono-theist.

I came to believe in Magick, in the holy cycle of the year, reincarnation, and divination. I began talking to crystals, then to animals, then spirits and most recently, the Fae. I make myself shake my own head. What is a good science-loving girl doing in the midst of this spiritual chicanery?

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