Got text from ex-husband and his wife. “We need to sit down and talk.” I went over after work last night – already exhausted – to hear them out.
My teenager wants a “normal” life and feels like she’s “forced” to come see me. Ex&W are concerned that my relationship with this child is “slipping”. She told them she doesn’t feel I am putting forth effort.
I see her every other weekend. Ex&W really enjoy those weekends when they get one-on-one time with each other. Parents need breaks.
But my child refuses to stay with me where I live now. So I started relying on friends’ and their guest rooms, to house us on weekends we’re together. I’m enjoying these visits, even tho the logistics can be tough and I’m totally stepping out of my comfort zone to get it together. But the teen says I’m “not putting forth effort to spend time with her.”
Ex&W also worry that there is not enough communication between us three parents. When the child whines to them about me, they don’t have perspective on my side. They want more communication and are willing to keep up via group text.
My life has gotten so complicated lately that I can barely concentrate on anything. I’m already ADHD to begin with and now I can barely get my brain to work at work. That said, I feel like my life is incredible and awesome, I love it. But I have GOT to get my mind back on track at work, in the best way possible.
I’m running 3x per week and making sure I get some time to relax. I need to get back to meditating. Why does “knowing what to do” not translate automatically to “DOING what I need to do”? I’ve needed to meditate daily, you know, my entire life. I’m at maybe 3 out of 46 years now.
I cannot stop to think about how much I miss this child. I know she made the best practical, logical decision to stay with them full time. My heart will not concur. If I dwell on it, I fall apart.
I don’t know what else I can do that I’m not doing (except meditation of course.) I don’t know how we’re going to handle weekends during the schoolyear. I have gotten this far by handling things that roll over me instead of targeting the horizon.
I am sad about this. The child is having a hard time. It’s tough to be a teenager, even in ideal conditions. She is anxious and I wish I could make things better for her, but I’m doing the best I can with what I’ve got.
My life turned upside down last year. It needed to be turned around, and I’ve accepted and worked with it the best I can. “Let It Go” is my theme song. I guess I need to add “Om Padme Hum” to my song list…or write my own song.